too bad you live with your parents still
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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