so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
