hotel room ftw
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize