Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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