Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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