I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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