even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
