I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
