I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
