Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
