i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Randomize
