YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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