just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
