When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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