Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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