She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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