I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
