does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I still have a little drunk in my system
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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