I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
