He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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