I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
