so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
