tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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