You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
