he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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