I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
