we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
