just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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