Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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