Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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