my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
