my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize