brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
