It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
