I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
