Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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