I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize