Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
