if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
