hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
