Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
