i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
