there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
