We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
