I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
