First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
