if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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