Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
