i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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