new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize