I just saw a hot homeless man
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize