so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
