WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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