I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
