i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
