Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I can't turn off my feet"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize