just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
