I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize