Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she smelled like a LAN party
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
