Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
