May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
