:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
