Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
