just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
