did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
