Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
