I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Tornado booty call.. dedication
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
