look no pants
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
