i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
