just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize