i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
