Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
