guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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