I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
