Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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