xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
