I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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