everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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