loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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