chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
